Thursday, September 22, 2011

Tweets of Wisdom

So, about 3 months ago, I took the bull by the horns. I jumped off the bridge. I peed into the wind...oh, no wait, not that. I joined Twitter. This was a big accomplishment for me. I didn't understand it, was terrified of the "new" technology. Don't judge, I remember being excited about my pager--PAGER, people. I remember when floppy disks were...well, DISKS, and FLOPPY. I used a typewriter to type an essay for class, people.

So sitting down to figure out Twitter? Took me several months before I jumped into the twitter boat, created an account and started snarking away. And now? I have sent 2,000+ Tweets and gained 160+ followers. Which reminds me: I LOVE my Tweeps. My Tweeps are funny, snarky, fun-loving and a little crazy. However, occasionally there are some wisdomous Tweets that make their rounds.

Sure  you can add these to your "favorites", but I wanted to provide a more public shrine for these. So, readers, followers, visitors--behold the Tweets of Wisdom. 

Disclaimer: not all Tweets (or most) are suitable for readers under the age of 18 or over the age of 19. Views and opinions of the following Tweeps are solely those of the person Tweeting--or actually, probably not even them. Everything contained herein should be considered minimally truthful, but excessively funny.

1. Real friends help bury bodies and destroy evidence. ~JASaare

2. Do not leave @soulswallo unattended. Bad things will happen! ~Kyla_Holt

3. You could still be an aardvark, we'd make it work. We might need to have a threesome. ~BeasBookNook

4. YOU ARE LETTING US ALL DOWN! If you don't bring puffer fish sex to the masses, WHO WILL!?! ~soulswallo

5. Beer for you and valium for the kids. ~BeasBookNook

6. I never lie. I just reengineer reality into a state more advantageous to my personal delusions. It works. ~KeithMelton99

7. All right lady-Grab your pen. I want written into this damn story. Imma take care of this SOB myself. ~Kyla_Holt

8. They should remake the Karate Kid and put some vampires in it. Cross Karate Kid with the Lost Boys. ~KeithMelton99

9. Take me along, I'll ninja-kick his ass. ~Kyla_Holt

10. Blowing me off on twitter is not as hurtful as you think it is. ~smexys_sidekick

11. "Just say NO" I'll fedEx you my DARE shirt as a reminder. ~Kyla_Holt

12. If you're up for crazy convos, puffer fish and gelatin you should be following @jodiredford and @KeithMelton99 *Follow at your own risk. >_<   ~Kyla_Holt

13. Sometimes i feel like asking author questions, and then I realize that there's a VERY HIGH chance I can find the answer on their website. ~Magnet4Books
14. Morons going out in the [BLEEPING] storm: DO NOT GO OUT IN THE [BLEEPING] storm. It endangers you and the people who have to get you. ~maureenjohnson

15. A good day = when you can write a 19th century frontier hooker quoting Kierkegaard. ~donnajherren

16. I earned it. Bitching pays off ya know. ~BeasBookNook

17. Well, there's traffic stopping and then there's OMG! PUT ON YOUR PANTS traffic stopping. The 2nd one is not as good as the 1st. ~soulswallo

18. Misheard commercial: "We help by lowering your PENIS." Should've heard PAYMENTS. Totally different commercial! Speak clearer people. ~Kyla_Holt

19. The number one rule of hunting pirates: don't do it alone. It's more fun in pairs. ~ skyladawn

20. Grammar is like sex, there are only so many places things can go. ~Kyla_Holt

21. Try not to let the fame go to your heads. Except maybe Kyla, since technically she's only a head anyway~

Found on Wicked Lil Pixie

22. If you are having sex, you will die. Just enjoy it, ride it out. There’s no turning back. #horrormovieadvice ~ WickedLPixie

23. @moirarogersbree sit near a huge uncovered window after dark. Even better turn your back on it. #horrormovieadvice ~ FictionVxn

24. @moirarogersbree better put your stilettos on in case you need to run for it. toward the danger. Don’t forget that. It’s important. ~ FictionVxn that you've enjoyed my Tweets of Wisdom--do you have any you want to share with us? I'll be tracking Tweets for similar posts, feel free to send them my way when you see them!


  1. Hysterical. Wanna know who I'm going to start following? EVERYONE ON THIS POST!

  2. OMG number 3 is so wrong taken out of context. It's only mildly wrong in context. :P

    I missed Donna's Hooker tweet but it sounds just like her, LOL.

    Fun post Kyla. :)

  3. Hmm. I applaud myself for sounding so wise and dignified. Not psychotic at all.

    @soulswallo gotta watch out for her. O_O

  4. I can hear you, Keith!

    (I was going to write more but it sounded crazy even by MY standards. So, yeah.)

    Also, that traffic stopping pants tweet is brilliant. I hope that wasn't the pinnacle of my awesome tweets. Oh, wait. Have you seen some of the gems I've popped off recently?

    I love that you compiled these, Kyla. They remind me of why I follow all these people. And myself. :)

  5. I'm still laughing! Thanks for posting this :) Y'know, I actually was pretty intimidated by Twitter as well. I just made my account...

    And I still haven't braved the dangers of facebook! Going to need a few more months of warming up to that thought...

    Keep them coming! Those tweets are amazing! :)



A Bakin' up Blogs Design Copyright © 2011 The Blog Bakery

Header Image inspired by Fallen Angel's Pain Vol.1 by Frozen Flame